lets' take this outside...

okay so i've put my request in for information from the NY Teachers Fellows. The application date is passed for this year but we'll see what comes back for next year. i have this band-aid on my finger and it's making typing strangely difficult. i never noticed before how much of typing was tactile and how much was muscle memory...anywho i don't know that this approach will work bc i don't believe they teach phys ed which would be my subject, but we'll see. plus it's super selective and i'd almost hate to take someone elses place, but i'll leave this whole thing up to God and wait. 

Otherwise we are meeting with the principle of one of the schools i teach at today to discuss next years plan. and on that note i got reprimanded yesterday by that teacher for being late. apparently i've been late all year bc i thought the class started at 9:15 and it starts at 9. That would have been a good thing to know, but considering how haphazard our beginning of this program was, and how little i knew about public schools it's not really that surprising. hopefully this meeting will help prevent that kind of thing happening next time. live and learn

So that brings up another interesting point, as i left yesterday and the principle gave the obligatory "don't be late" at the end of our conversation as we walked out the office, and i gave the obligatory "snort and smile" in an attempt at good humor, not sure as to if she was joking or not. So i immediately felt my confrontational fighter coming up in me, pride, arrogance, anger probably all that and more reared their heads. It's amusing too bc my bride tells me that i didn't used to be this way and it's an interesting development in my personality, and i'd have to agree, i used to really be uncomfortable with confrontation and try to smooth things out. now i'm sometimes more a bulldozer in a china shop. First hint of opposition and my juices start flowing and i'm ready to take it outside to the playground, strap on some gloves and do this!

(i thought the playground would be a nice imagery considering the school topic) Anyway i always find introspection amusing and i like it when most other people comment on what they observe about me bc it helps me see myself through others eyes, which sometimes really helps me refine my character. but back to my self reflection, the whole thing yesterday made me realize how long it's been since i was "Under" someone else's authority. I have been essentially self employed and on my own schedule for 2 years now. I've always been independent as my mom will likely attest to, and as a person comfortable with and wired for leadership, i find it hard without the aforementioned response to sit under another person with one exception. If i have been made aware clearly of our relationship and willingly submit myself and respect the person over me, then perfect. so the only thing that went wrong at the school was there was no clear definition of mine and the principles relationship and i did not appreciate the tail end comment as though i were her underling or incapable of doing something as simple as being on time.

But that probably connects with my conflict resolution process. All i need to do is talk it out and come to a conclusion and it's done. there's no need to continue to talk about it. Hence my frustration in earlier posts concerning issues with the local church and our church plant. Again i'm amused at myself and the ease in which i raise up and my willingness to go head-to-head comes out. As always these opportunities allow me another change to grow and learn about myself and the people that surround me and for that i'm thankful. While a lifetime of asking questions can make things difficult it also allows for opportunities to grow when some might write the instance off to life and never give it another thought. 

All this being said, and assuming you guys don't mind hearing me ramble about life, this makes me question the opportunity to take an employee status with the school even if it can happen, there are struggles that come along with how we do things now, but likewise there is another group of headaches on the other side as well. But like i told Walter, i'm not going to just shut a door that God opens, especially after it's been put before me a couple of times. i'll test my God and see what he wants, and if that means subjugating myself to the tyrannical leadership of the DOE, then i will. But there's no promises that i won't stir the peasants to rebellion and throwing over the oligarchical rulership for democracy....or communism, as long as it's on paper and not actually put into practice...

check yo on the flip side.

Jonathan

Currently listening to:

Third Eye Blind